Halloween Health Haikus (Limericks, Too)

Haikus and limericks for Halloween 2020, definitely the spookiest night ever

Kaiser Health News – A big thanks to our readers who participated in our second annual KHN Halloween Haiku Contest.

Your entries — like our health care system — ranged from eerie and haunting to downright spooky. And, based on a review by our expert panel of judges, here’s the winner and a sampling of finalists. [Prefer Covid-inspired limericks? Scroll down. – Ed.]

•••WINNER

Boo! It’s the virus
Glad you are trick or treating
What luck, I am too
— JK
Inspiration: How Families Are Keeping Halloween From Turning Into a COVID Nightmare

•••FINALISTS

Ghost of the mandate
lives on, haunting the high court,
sending chills down spines.
— Barbara Armstrong
Inspiration: Potential Impact of California v. Texas Decision on Key Provisions of the ACA 

Ah, Trump’s “beautiful”
health care plan. Real? Or just an
invisible ghost?
— Shefali Luthra
Inspiration: Back to the Future: Trump’s History of Promising a Health Plan

If sickness scares you
Wait for the debt collectors
Liens and lawsuits lurk
— Arielle Levin Becker
Inspiration: UVA Health Still Squeezing Money From Patients

Shivers down your spine
An indifferent voice sighs
“You’re out-of-network.”
— Annaliese Johnson | Subscribe to KHN’s free Morning Briefing. Source. 

For those who prefer limericks … 

Source: Star-Tribune

For avoiding a premature death,
Hum a birthday tune under your breath.
   Get rid of the grime,
   Wash your hands, all the time,
Like my role model, Lady Macbeth.

The great meals my lady does serve
Are way better than what I deserve.
   I eat them all but,
   when I look at my gut
I have failed to flatten the curve.

If corona threatens your life,
Commandment Ten could save you from strife.
   Don’t go out anymore
   Or see the lady next door,
Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor’s wife.

I used up my last roll today.
There seems to be no other way.
   Because of the hoarders
   And the governor’s orders
My Waterpik’s now my bidet.

The lack of TP makes me freak out
When I see empty shelves as I seek out
   That precious commodity
   For my functions bodily
I hope that the trees will soon leaf out!

Last (and possibly least) … 

There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
   His daughter, called Nan,
   Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

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